I've been thinking a lot about this over the last few days and I really do think the answer is yes. Major props to all those single parents who do this day in and day out, year after year. It is no easy task, that's for sure. There's something to be said about holding down the fort while one parent is temporarily out of the house; at least I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know how different or the same it is for a parent who doesn't have a partner, but I only have one frame of reference to go by.
Deployment has made me a more patient mom. I have been forced to keep things in perspective and look at the big picture. It isn't the end of the world if Clara and Colton don't get a bath every night. It is just fine if we have leftovers 3 days in a row (even though Clara says "leftovers AGAIN!"). It's no big deal if not every single toy makes it back on the self at the end of the day. In fact, I'm pretty sure that letting these things slide, more than occasionally, is how I have managed to keep my sanity thus far. These, and many others, are things that perhaps would have been more important to me when I had someone to share the chore of day-to-day tasks with. My temper may have been shorter because in the back of my mind I knew I could just count on Aaron to help get things done. I can't afford to get irritated by the little things now because I'm stressed and feeling over-worked. Our children are feeling the stress of deployment in their own way and it's not fair to them for me to snap or be harsh just because I need some quiet time and it's not their bedtime yet.
Deployment has reminded me to focus on fun. We play....a lot! Now, don't get me wrong, I like to think of myself as a hands-on-mom, I have always played a lot with my kids, but I wasn't always putting that first. Before Aaron left, I would have spent too many precious minutes putting away dishes, preparing dinner, or getting ready for the next day, all the while watching the kids play in the other room or fight for my attention. Now, I still do those things, but not before spending some time playing with my babies. It's amazing that when a child gets some good old fashioned face-time they don't get mad when you have to get up and spend some time in the kitchen afterward. Clara and I have special playtime after Colton goes to bed and after she and I have had dinner. I'm certain this has made a big difference in her level of cooperation; which has been remarkable since Aaron's been gone. It couldn't have been easy for her to go from a spoiled, only child, to having a baby brother interrupt her lifestyle, then add on top of that having her dad deploy. We are both reaping the benefits of our special mommy-daughter time each evening. We stay very busy, too. Whether it’s a play date, a trip to the mall, errands to the store, visiting friends, playing at the park, walks outside, lunch at Chic-Fil-A, a busy calendar is the only way this deployment will not drag on as slowly as possible. I don't for one moment want Clara and Colton to feel the burden of deployment anymore than their little minds have to. Keeping them engaged and having fun will help them remain strong and resilient, now and in the future.
Deployment has helped me improve my time management skills. I'd like to consider myself pretty decent at multitasking. After all, isn't that a job requirement of any wife and mother? But, without my hubby around to help with the tasks there's obviously more for me to have to do. The dinner dishes aren't already cleaned or put in the dishwasher when I get done with Clara's bedtime. The carpet doesn't get vacuumed unless I do it. Despite the extra tasks, there's no extra time in the days. And, I have a very strict "me-time" rule - I need it! At least a little bit each night. Catching up on the DVR, messing around on the computer, a bubble bath with a glass of wine, reading, or writing to Aaron are the perfect prescription for unwinding. That being said, I have gotten good at streamlining our evening routine. The three of us can eat dinner together, I can bathe one or both of the kids and get Colton in bed all from 4:30-6:00 - and it's not painful. Granted, I'm eating dinner at 4:30 in the afternoon and some days that makes me feel like a senior citizen, but I don't mind. That leaves 6:00-7:30 for me and Clara to hang out, clean up after dinner, maybe take a bath, read books, and go to bed. This wonderful routine is not the case for every night but I'm getting the hang of it and it's happening more often thanks to leftovers, the Crockpot, and extra portions from the freezer. That leaves me with a handful of hours to get ready for the next day, relax and go to bed. But, wow, most nights that time goes by too quickly.
Deployment has helped remind me how lucky and appreciative I am for my husband and children. I feel that I have a major responsibility to ensure that, even though Aaron isn't home, their daddy is still a big part of their life. We talk about him non-stop, plan and decorate packages, look at pictures and reminisce, kiss and hug Daddy Dolls, and send him countless pictures and cards. I don't for one instant want Clara and Colton to ever forget that they have a father who loves them unconditionally even though he’s not here to physically show them right now. I'm thankful, that for at least this deployment, they are both young enough not to ask the tough questions about what their daddy does and what happens in Afghanistan. By doing this I am reminded daily of how lucky I am to have such a supportive husband, remarkable children, and a wonderful family, and that in turn makes my heart smile.
Deployment has helped me remember that taking care of myself is just as important as taking care of my family. I’ve learned that I can stay up past 10:00 most nights, and even to 11:00 on some, and still get up at 5:00 or 6:00 to get ready for work or exercise before the kids wake up. This gives me my “mandatory me time” in the evening and working out is definitely helping my mind and body stay strong.
Perhaps, these reflections are a case of me making lemonade from lemons and trying to be as positive as I can. During this time of my life it would be all too easy to pout, whine, moan, and feel sorry for myself; and, honestly, I do that occasionally, after all, I am only human. Perhaps, these revelations are just a natural progression of my adventure in motherhood. Maybe I would have gotten to these “places” even if Aaron hadn’t been deployed right now. Whichever the case, I’m thankful that we seem to be getting by, if not for just the moment, for the next ten months as well.
